That isn't the whole point of this post though, October 15th is coming up this Saturday. Okay, another day for garage sales? No, something far more sweeter. October 15th is international Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day. In every timezone when your clock turns 7pm, please light a candle for one hour to remember the babies who have passed. The point of this to to have a constant "Wave of Light" for 24 hours to remember the babies. Let's not forget them, please. I've done this for the last 4 years and have started to include a note for the babies that I'm remembering. If you've lost a child and want me to light a candle for them, leave me the name(s), and I will gladly do so and post the pictures for you.
Why am I telling you about this? How do I know about this? Well, first of all it's a great cause that I think everyone should know about. I know about it from personal experience. I lost my first son, Benjamin, June 11, 2007. He was stillborn. I wrote about his story on his birthday, here.
|Me holding Benjamin.|
|Nick at Benjamin's grave on Benjamin's birthday.|
In February of this year, we found out that we were pregnant again! Imagine our excitement! Nickalaus would know be a big brother. My mom even bought him a shirt. We were all excited, including Nick. Then we found out that we were pregnant with twins!! Even more excited, and scared all at the same time.
I had already read up and found out that most twins don't make it to birth. That one usually passes. I was fully prepared for that. I wasn't prepared for the news we got on March 31, 2011. We were loosing both babies. It was happening again! They would be my 5th loss. I shared about the story here. I went through denial, depression, and pure devastation! I couldn't believe had happened again.
This has all had a traumatic effect on me. Honestly, I've decided to not have anymore kids because I can't deal with the loss anymore. I've been through enough and I'm too scared to do it again. Of course, we couldn't afford another baby right now either. I hadn't told a lot of people that. I know it sounds selfish. I should want a playmate for Nick, and I do. But my heart can't take the breaking anymore. See, I have high risk pregnancies. I have a blood clotting disorder that requires that I give myself a shot daily for the babies to live. That's why Benjamin didn't make it, because of a blood clot.
Anyways, this isn't a pity post. I want to raise awareness. I want other mother's who've lost babies to know that they are not alone! I want all of the babies who have passed to be remembered. So I'm asking you all to please light a candle Saturday October 15th at 7pm in your time zone for one hour. Please remember them!