Wednesday, June 22, 2011

I'm a Recovering...

Today I'm going to really tell you all about me, my past, and how grateful I am to be here. I've been contemplating sharing this with y'all or not, but if it helps someone, then I've done the right thing.


So to finish the title, I'm a Recovering Alcoholic and Addict. I've been sober since 05.23.05, six years. When I was 17, and about to be done with my Sophomore year of High School, I got expelled. I had came to school high on weed and pills for the millionth time, only this time I got caught. See at that point I'd only done pills, drank, and smoked weed. That night I had plans to do X with a friend, and luckily I couldn't. I had watched my "friends" smoke meth, and I wanted nothing to do with that. It's quite disgusting, all the black smoke goes in there face, no thanks! An old boyfriend got caught and ratted me out. At the time, I hated him, but looking back I'm grateful to him.  I was 17 when I went to my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, and I hated everything about it. I didn't want to be there, I wasn't like those people. But, soon, I started to believe, hey this is fun! I met a group of women who took me under their wing, and showed me how to have fun without drugs or alcohol. So I started to call myself an alcoholic and addict. I got involved and started going to functions. The first retreat I went to when I was a couple months sober was The Women's Workshop. I had so much fun, and really started to accept my disease. 

But, I wasn't convinced I suppose. When I was almost 3 years sober, I convinced my boyfriend and myself at the time, that I wasn't an alcoholic, that I was just having fun and being young. So he bought me alcohol, as I wasn't of age yet. From that point on I was a tornado tearing up everything around me, and anything that came in my path. I left that boyfriend for an old abusive one. I drank and did pills, although I refused to smoke weed again. In 2 months I had got rid and pushed away everything and everyone good, to surround myself in negativity only to be able to drink and take pills. I finally left that hell hole, and went back to Mom & Dad. I couldn't drink or do drugs there, and I knew that. I'd been thinking about how the Women's Workshop was coming up, and how I couldn't go to it. I was disappointed, but couldn't figure out how I could  go. Then my mom, dad, and I were cleaning the garage out. I was just standing there, and my dad looked at me and said, "Are you going to fucking do something, or just stand there?". I was so mad, I went up to my room, thinking what a douche bag he was. When I got up to my room I had a moment of clarity. I finally seen just what he was talking about, which wasn't the garage. See, my dad is a recovering alcoholic of 14 years, and he knew if I didn't do something about my drinking and drugging, that I was going to die. So I got down on my knees and prayed to my Higher Power, who I call God. I asked him to help me, to keep me sober for today. My dad came up either to apologize or get on to me some more, and I asked him to take me to a meeting. The hardest thing I had to do was to go into my regular meeting, where I knew all these people, and tell them that I had let them down. But, you know what? They welcomed me back with open arms. Of course, they asked me if I was finally done and if it had gotten any better out there. 


Those people, even though I have since moved 1,200 miles away, are still in touch with me. I talk to a couple of them quite often, and am forever grateful that they were there to love me when I couldn't love myself. I have also met wonderful people down here. They have helped me as well. The only reason I've stayed sober is through working the 12 steps. One of the greatest gifts I've received other than my sobriety from A.A. is my spirituality. I will tell y'all about that another time. 

So there's another part of me that y'all didn't know. I'm not sure whether that's a good thing, lol. No seriously, I did because there might be someone out there that needs to read this. God told me to write it, so I did. Sometimes I argue with him, but not today. 


7 comments:

  1. I'm very glad that you shared this today. If for no other reason than to be true to yourself and your amazing accomplishment. My "first love" went through a very similar experience as you. Except he did do E and meth with his "friends" and his life ended decades too early. I also have a family member struggling with alcoholism, as he has for the entirety of my life. Your story helps me remember to not give up hope in him. That when he's ready, he'll be ready. And even if I have to say a few choice words he may not like, he will (hopefully) forgive me! :)

    Stay strong!

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  2. Thank you for it. I went to addiction recovery meetings for 5 years due to anorexia/bulimia. It's a really hard thing to go through and, though our addictions aren't the same, the addict brain is. You're a brave and beautiful woman and I know you changed someone's life by posting this.

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  3. Thank you both! I replied to you both in email :o)

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  4. Wow, I had no idea. I'm so happy you were able to get through it all.

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  5. *hugs* I love ya, kid. :)

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